¡¡¡Exclusive!!!

Could this be footage of Gringosaurs planning a South American invasion?
Although they appear older than those currently being spotted up and down the South American gringosaur trail, lyrics at 1 min 7 secs appear to give the game away.

1:07 "How to get there what to do?"



Could 'there' refer to a Latin American gringosaur hotspot?!! Or perhaps this is just a cover-up, and, as the title suggests, these three have "Been there all the time..."

Boxtixoraus

First Sighted: Standing, looking smug near Iguazú water falls (see photo below).

Distinguishable Features: Camera round neck, guide book in hand, urgent need to rush off somewhere.

Approachability: If you can find one stationary for long enough they are considered harmless, but don't expect much of a response if you attmept to engage one in any manner.

Apparently one of the most active of the Gringosaurs; darting from pillar to post, landmark to ancient landfill, with alarming velocity and great enthusiasm, but perversely seems to do so with limited enjoyment. A definite air of necessity is detected within the movement of the Boxtixoraus up and down the gringo-trail; there appears a definite desire to ‘have done’ rather than ‘to do’.

During daylight hours the boxtixoraus rarely communicate, either with one another, other Gringosaurs, or, Dino-God forbid, local species. Instead they scuttle around towns, cities and other sites, stopping only to glance at what they see, giving things an affirming, almost arrogant nod. Rather than said ‘sights’ producing enjoyment, the boxtixoraus merely display an air of apparent inevitability, as if in seeing such ‘sights’ they are just confirming something they already knew, (perhaps the mere existence of the view in question?). However these ‘sights’, or places as locals know them, are almost always ‘discovered’ by the boxtixoraus in what is considered to be some sort of mini bible-like book. Despite this, in a re-writing of History akin to the time some bloke named Chris ‘discovered’ a land already inhabited by thousands of different creatures, the Boxtixoraus have been seen to behave as though they themselves were the first to visit many of these world famous places.

Observe the following over-heard, joy-less examples: 

•     “Yep, Iguazú Falls, there they are. Knew it.”

•        “Haha, what did I say?* Macha Pi Chu. Right here, in the Andes.” 
•      “Yep, Salt flats. Salty, and flat.”

Along with the aforementioned, ever present ‘bible’, the boxtixoraus also tend to carry Japanese made electrical devices (it is as yet unclear how any Gringosaur are able to get hold of, and furthermore wield such advanced machinery, or even the bible-like books for that matter). Some observers have noted a tendency of the boxtixoraus to view the world almost exclusively through the electrical devices. Others have argued the ‘bible’ is of greater importance to the way the creatures see and interpret the world around them. However whichever of the accessories is considered most significant, most scientists and observers were, for many weeks, convinced of one sole reason for this behaviour. They hypothesized that perhaps the boxtixoraus did not posses adequate vision to see beyond a few centimeters from its nose, leaving them able to form only limited opinions of their own, of any place it had visited. These devices therefore, it was assumed, facilitated the forming of opinion by allowing the Boxtixoraus to either; bury its nose inside the bible and digest the words and photos within, or to take photos in order to have others describe the image later on.

More recent research has though, begun to dispel this myth as it seems the boxtixoraus are actually incapable of listening to the ideas or opinions of others in the normal manner. That is to say that whilst they can clearly hear, they appear in almost all cases to fail to properly take-on-board and respond appropriately to the words of others. Similarities have been drawn with the Cocawhoraus (and the questionable Cocavuloraus) in this respect. This trait is most commonly observed as the Boxtixoraus gather at the watering holes in the evenings to tell others precisely what they have ‘done’, over the last day or two (NB ‘done’ is believed to be a synonym for paying a fleeting visit to a place of touristic interest). Observe the following conversation between two Boxtixoraus, note the lack of appropriate response, suggesting a deficiency in vital listening skills;

Boxitixoraus A - I did Bolivia a few years back. I wouldn’t bother again though, already done everything there.

Boxtixoraus B - I’m did Buenos Aires last week in a few days. Probably gonna go South and do the Glacier next. Might do the Great Lakes whilst I’m down there.

A - I did Lake Titicaka in a few hours, got some great panoramic shots. Did Isle of Sol whilst I was there too, but it got too cloudy for any decent snaps.

B - I did Chile two years ago, so no point doing that again. Probably do Bolivia this time around instead, death road and Lake Titicaka. Not met anyone who’s done them yet.

A – For great pictures I recommend Buenos Aires, you can do it all in a few days. Maybe Chilie too.

B - OK I’m off. Up early to get a taxi to the bus station, I don’t get the hostel shuttle bus me, oh no, waste of money. Anyway give me you’re facebook and I’ll let you know how Bolivia was.

A – Sure, here you go. Enjoy Buenos Aires, and Chilie, you should really think about going there.

The two creatures appear to be in competition with one other over who has ‘done’ the most places, and as to who can recommend something the other hasn’t yet ‘done’. However it seems neither can possibly lose. The apparent inability to listen and understand what the other is saying means both can leave with an air of smug self-satisfaction, believing they have the superior number of boxes checked in terms of places ‘done’, and have the best, or at least, most, photos to prove it.

The Boxtixoraus then: Whilst apparently criminal bores and rather anti-social, they are at least harmless to other Gringosaurs and are merely a passing nuisance to local cultures. Their fleetingly short visits to various areas of South America mean they have little time to produce an overly negative impact on their surroundings. They merely crane their long necks** and nod their heads in a knowing, almost arrogant manner, take a quick snap shot and place a ‘tick’ in their guide books before silently shuttling off to the next listed site of interest.

*NB as far as is known, this isn’t referring to any conversation actually engaged in with any other Gringosaur. For this reason, some Scientists are discussing the possibility of some Boxtixoraus suffering from schizophrenia or other personality disorders.

** Evolved, presumably to allow them to get the best look at various tourist attractions over the heads of any other Gringosaurs  

Cocawhoraus

First Sighted: La Paz

Distinguishable Features: Peculiarly erratic mood swings mean it can appear supremely confident or nervous and twitchy.

Approachability: With caution, can never be sure of the beast’s mood.

This pale, skinny, often twitchy breed has become famous amongst the growing band of Gringosaur observers and specialists due to the difficulty in defining any consistent behaviour. In the first days of observation, scientists noted unusual sleeping patterns. For example it is not unusual for the Cocawhoraus to go two or even three days without sleep during times of what are being described as ‘hyper-activity’. These periods are usually followed by twenty hours or so of constant sleep when the Cocawhoraus seems almost impossible to disturb.

One man who knows the Cocawhoraus better than most is Snr. Miguel De Seville. Hailing originally from Spain, Miguel has been studying the Cocawhoraus since arriving, almost by accident, at a popular gathering place for the breed on New Year’s Eve 2009. He has this to say regarding their behaviour;

“…It seems that something sparks them into life. From a point of apparent indifference to events and other beasts around them, the Cocawhoraus suddenly become full of energy and highly alert.”

During this period the Cocawhoraus remain in groups and communicate at frantic pace, sharing ideas with great gusto for hours on end, much like a human conversation, only with less of the listening aspect. This led Miguel and his team to hypothesize that they were highly intelligent beasts. However deeper study suggested that other breeds of Gringosaur appear to view the Cocawhoraus with disdain, showing a distinct lack of interest in their communications. This pointed the team in the direction of their eventually published findings. This paper stated that the information shared between the Cocawhoraus during these periods of hyper activity, is actually merely a load of old bollocks that even the other Cocawhoraus present have little or no interest in hearing.

It appears much of what is exchanged is merely “recycled” stories and information that everybody has heard before. This has left the team at a loss therefore to describe firstly, why the Cocawhoraus seem so determined to communicate, and also why they can often be seen making gestures of sincere agreement with one another. One theory is that this ‘agreement’ is merely a way of interrupting the ‘speaker’ in order that the ‘agreeing’ Cocawhoraus may take the floor to spew forth its equally dull, recycled, yet over-animated tales and opinions. These, of course, will also be immediately forgotten about.

Despite all of this, the Cocawhoraus appear happy to continue in the same vein for hours on end. Stopping only intermittently, to inhale what appears to be some kind of, presumably flavourless, powdered food substance. It is thought this substance may be very high in sugar. This could perhaps explain the seemingly hyperactive communications between the beasts during this time, a little like if you give five year olds too much fizzy cola. Gradually however brain activity grinds to an almost complete stand still and the Cocawhoraus tend to slip away one by one. Usually to a secluded place, away from natural light, where they rest for extended periods.

This behaviour, whilst peculiar, is even more surprising if one considers the behavior of the same beasts when they awake from this slumber. At this time they appear much more introverted, quiet and timid. Some could even be considered ‘sulky’, much like a human child. Gone are the confident gestures and exuberant greetings of the previous day. In fact, bonds which appeared to be relatively strong between two Cocawhoraus hours earlier can suddenly appear almost none existent. Only nervy glances and muttered sounds are exchanged for a period of between eight and twelve hours.

Towards the end of this twelve hour period comes the only time when inter-Cocawhoraus behaviour starts to resemble that which exists between other breeds. Regular communications resume, solid foods are eaten and, very occasionally, regular activities (e.g. ‘going outside’) are carried out. However fast forward another four hours or so and the Cocawhoraus begin to meet once more, first sharing drinks, then the powdered ‘sugar-food’. Once more commences a period of hyper-activity as they trade useless non-witty communications, all of them competing for space on the sound waves, immensely enjoying themselves all the while, seemingly building up to something stupendous, until…nothing. And they all gradually deflate and slip away to a more solitary place once more.

……..

Breaking news

Over only the last 48 hours Snr. Miguel De Seville and his team have been working solidly, without a moments rest or relaxation. As such, they have made fresh observations regarding what could perhaps be considered another sub-group even within the Cocawhoraus breed, of Gringosaur. The above mentioned Cocawhoraus are largely independent and concerned exclusively with themselves. However this newly classified sub-group thrives on hanging around close to others, perhaps waiting on scraps of powdered ‘sugar-food’. “If the Cocawhoraus is a Buzzard, then this variety are definitely more like Vultures, feeding off of the stupendous work of others.” Stated an overly-animated, sunglasses-clad Snr. Miguel in a press conference called, rather peculiarly, at 4:30am. The decidedly twitchy scientist then went on to outline how he believes this new sub-group, the Cocavuloraus, to be more intelligent than their ‘Buzzard-like’ cousins. His reasoning being that “they appear largely uninterested in the hyperbolic yet strangely appealing (sic) communications of the other Cocawhoraus.” Instead the “Cocavuloraus are focused solely on the acquisition of this wondrous powdered sugar food” which, Snr. Miguel confirmed, definitely has no flavour.

Profesoraus

First sighted: Palermo, Buenos Aires

Distinguishable features: See below

Approachability: Generally harmless, though pompous verbal volleys are a possibility.

The most immediately obvious point that distinguishes the Profesoraus from the other breeds of Gringosaur is the way it remains separated from the masses, with an all too apparent air of aloofness. The Profesoraus don’t appear to follow the ‘Gringosaur Trail’, instead choosing to remain in one, densely populated place for a considerable period of time. This habit is most commonly observed in the major capitals of Buenos Aires, Santiago, and increasingly, Bogota. As far as most Scientists are speculating, the reason for this inherent difference appears to be one of expectations. On the face of things, the Profesoraus appear to desire to work with native species, to live amongst them and to live like them. Suggesting they are more open to immersing themselves in a new culture than the other Gringosaurs we have seen thus far.

Perhaps for this reason, strenuous efforts appear to be made by the Profesoraus to avoid mixing with other Gringosaurs. Thus the idea is maintained that this breed of Gringosaur is a genuine, fully functioning cog in the machine of its chosen South American society. Rather than merely passing through, they have ‘lived the life’ on this raw and exciting continent. There are certainly arguments to support this claim. For example many are able to communicate effectively with native species (e.g. “Una pregunta. ¿Donde esta T.G.I Fridays?”) and have a working knowledge of their environment (able to utilize both subway/tram systems AND buses). Many have even been seen to take a mate from a native species. However very rarely have these mating experiences been anything more than brief flirtations; observers are yet to find an example of any such situation resulting in off-spring for example, though it is considered a scientific possibility.

Perversely though, when it comes to cultural immersion on a less sexual level, attempts are actually focused on teaching the natives about the culture and language of the Profesarous, rather than the other way around. Even more damningly, this appears to be done whilst complaining bitterly about anything and everything local to the chosen adopted city. These complaints take in subjects as diverse as the cost of living, local food preparation methods, and the general habits and character of those with whom the Profesoraus are supposedly keen to assimilate.

These most pompous of Gringosaurs continue to bemoan perceived problems whilst being seemingly unaware of the irony apparent in their complaints. In fact it is the local’s desire to learn of Gringosaur culture which affords these self-styled teachers a higher standard of living than, that which is available to those to whom they complain. Indeed the living standards of the Profesoraus are actually ensured by important local chiefs known as ‘Institutos’. These Institutos seem to have little or no interest in the well being of the native species whilst rewarding the Profesoraus for their teaching efforts handsomely, meaning they get first pick of the freshest carcasses at meal times. They even seem content to allow the Profesoraus to get away with completing ludicrously short working hours for their rewards, much shorter than the local species are accustomed to working for their bread and butter. The results of such a brazen lack of respect for local species has yet to be seen but some Scientists are fearing the worst; “If the Profesoraus carry on dissing the local way of life like this, we’re gonna hit a fuck off shit storm real soon” stated a junior member of a Santiago based research team after a late night team-bonding exercise in the student area of the city.

Equally contrary to this idea of assimilation, the Profesoraus, argues a team of experts from Buenos Aires, appear to constantly have one eye on ‘home’ (usually North America or the South of England).  And so, whilst participating to some extent and being keen to showcase to all their ‘local’ credentials, the Profesoraus appear ready to return ‘home’ at the drop of a prehistoric hat. These claims have been made on the back of extensive time spent watching groups of Profesoraus assimilate customs from their homeland. For example the North American variety gathering in groups of  up to 6-8, in order to do something known as ‘whooping’, often whilst focusing their maniacal grins on something called ‘the stars and stripes’. Meanwhile their cousins from the United Kingdom seem to drawer extraordinary excitement when they come across something they call ‘decent tea’. On the location of such a commodity a message appears to rapidly spread amongst fellow British Profesoraus, who quickly arrive to lay claim to every available box of the tea. It is thought there are now apartment buildings in the Palermo and San Telmo areas of Buenos Aires which are becoming dangerously overloaded, close to bursting even, due to them containing excessive amounts of this so called ‘decent tea’. As yet unconfirmed rumors are also rife that the Profesarous, unlike other Gringosaurs, are receiving goods (possibly including ‘decent tea’, ‘tomatoe ketchup’, ‘BBQ sauce’ and/or ‘ranch dressing’) from their homelands. This would surely be the final nail in the coffin for the idea that the Profesoraus are attempting to assimilate with local culture, therefore meaning they are in fact, no better than the Gringosaurs who spend their time moving up and down the Gringo Trail.

………………

Breaking News:

Just a few weeks ago tracking devices were placed on half a dozen or so Profesoraus in Buenos Aires with the aim of deciphering exactly how much work they had to do to claim food rights from the ‘Institutos’. However after three of the Profesoraus went missing for several weeks, communications were made with teams researching other Gringosaurs in Lima, La Paz and Medellin in Columbia and some myth exploding discoveries were made. It seems that in fact the Profesoraus are also prone to using the Gringo Trail and travelling North-South, or South-North (never East-West or West-East) through South America. This new evidence lays waste to their now apparently rather pompous pretences of ‘living the life’ in South America, rather than merely passing through. At this stage it is still unclear what effect this information might have on relations between Profesoraus and native species, or between the Profs. (as some are now diminutively calling them) and other breeds of Gringosaur.