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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Lykemeporfavorous

First sighted: Beaches of Mancora, Peru
Distinguishable features: Ear to ear teeth flashing smile. Some reports of barely visible tears in one or both eyes.
Approachability: Be warned; easy to approach, much tougher to make an escape from.
 
Although physically indistinguishable from other members of the Gringosaur family, this species can be identified by the company (or lack of) that it keeps. Considered socially adventurous, but ultimately remarkably unsuccessful, the Lykemeporfavorous can be most commonly found ambling around the 'Gringo trail' alone. Observations however suggest that they are not naturally solitary beasts, and in fact, this situation seems to have been rather forced upon them.
Formerely, the Lykmeporfavorous was considered to have dangerously weak kneck muscles leading to a constant 'nodding' action, openly displayed when listening to other Gringosaurs. However current studies suggest it actually suffers from a mental weakness resulting in an inability to express original opinions, or to disagree with others. This appears to manifest itself as the constant 'head nodding' which is teamed with repetitive positive responses to almost everything being said by any other Gringosaurs present. This attempt to demonstrate 'agreement' and/or 'pleasure' in relation to the conversations of other Gringosaurs generally fails to win them any friends, respect or even that most sought after of prizes for the Lykmeporfavorous, a permanent place amongst a larger group. Instead this action often leads to other Gringosaurs merely turning their back and looking for more stimulating interaction elsewhere. Note the following case study observed by a team from Ecuador working in the downtown area of Lima:

Lykmeporfavorous: Hi guys, I'm Johntysaur, mind if i have a beer with you guys?
Other Gringosaur 1: Err..
Other Gringosaur 2: What?
L: So, what were you taking about before I rudely interrupted? Sorry about that by the way!
OG1: Err..Drum & Bass mate.
L: Ooh yes. Drum and Bass, I love Drum and Bass. I went to this Drum and Bass party once, it was brilliant!
OG2: Right. [To OG1] So anyway he's moved on now. Started remixin a load of stuff for the guy that puts on those Dubstep parties in Brighton.
L: Oh yes, Dubstep. I went to a Dubstep party once. Do you like Burial?
OG2: Err, nah mate. I prefer the more hectic side of things you know?
L: Ah yes hectic. Hectic things are always so craaaazy aren't they?...Aren't they?
OG1 & 2: ......
L: Another beer lads?

Recent developments have seen the ever more lonely Lykmeporfavorous amongst groups of native creatures smiling profusely whilst continuing to nod along, attempting to hide its complete lack of understanding of what is being said.Witness this recently observed example:

Lykmeporfavorous: Hola!
Native Creature1: ¿Eh? ¡¿Quien eres?!
Native Creature2: Parece como un Gringosaur no?
NC1: Excelente, el compra las cervevas, jaja!!
NC2: Jaja el hijo de puta no entende nada de nada, jaja!
NC1 [to L]: Eh gringo, dame tu plata, y voy a comprarnos unas cervezas!jaja.
L:  :-)
L:  :-)    :-)
NC1: Dale... De donde eres gringo?
L:  Si muy bien, gracias. :-)
....
NC1 & 2: Hijo de puta...

Despite these obvious examples of a severe failure to connect with either its peers, or indeed anyone or anything else, the Lykemeporfavorous is admired amongst scientists involved in studying the beasts. They have been almost universally impressed by its unusually thick skin, thought to have evolved during something known as 'the long winters of adolescence' in the colder, less forgiving areas of North America and Northern Europe.

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You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do? Become enraged, jump up and down on the left-hand wing of the plane before launching myself at the pilot. I grab his head and my nails sink into his scalp, as I try to do damage by scraping my claws across his dome I'm horrified to find that instead, his wig comes away in my hands. Upon staring at the wig, I begin to understand the true horror of our shallow, superficial existence. With a moment of absolute clarity I begin to chew on the wig whilst sobbing tears the size of puddles. My significant other sees the hurt and hatred in my eyes through a reflection in the teary water on the ground. She jumps straight in, splashing salty water all around, simultaneously smashing apart my indulgent nonsense. I look up, but its too late. She's turned and left with the newly bald pilot. They climb inside the cockpit and take off as the sky all around them clears. 'Now what will I do?' I think to myself.