Profesoraus

First sighted: Palermo, Buenos Aires

Distinguishable features: See below

Approachability: Generally harmless, though pompous verbal volleys are a possibility.

The most immediately obvious point that distinguishes the Profesoraus from the other breeds of Gringosaur is the way it remains separated from the masses, with an all too apparent air of aloofness. The Profesoraus don’t appear to follow the ‘Gringosaur Trail’, instead choosing to remain in one, densely populated place for a considerable period of time. This habit is most commonly observed in the major capitals of Buenos Aires, Santiago, and increasingly, Bogota. As far as most Scientists are speculating, the reason for this inherent difference appears to be one of expectations. On the face of things, the Profesoraus appear to desire to work with native species, to live amongst them and to live like them. Suggesting they are more open to immersing themselves in a new culture than the other Gringosaurs we have seen thus far.

Perhaps for this reason, strenuous efforts appear to be made by the Profesoraus to avoid mixing with other Gringosaurs. Thus the idea is maintained that this breed of Gringosaur is a genuine, fully functioning cog in the machine of its chosen South American society. Rather than merely passing through, they have ‘lived the life’ on this raw and exciting continent. There are certainly arguments to support this claim. For example many are able to communicate effectively with native species (e.g. “Una pregunta. ¿Donde esta T.G.I Fridays?”) and have a working knowledge of their environment (able to utilize both subway/tram systems AND buses). Many have even been seen to take a mate from a native species. However very rarely have these mating experiences been anything more than brief flirtations; observers are yet to find an example of any such situation resulting in off-spring for example, though it is considered a scientific possibility.

Perversely though, when it comes to cultural immersion on a less sexual level, attempts are actually focused on teaching the natives about the culture and language of the Profesarous, rather than the other way around. Even more damningly, this appears to be done whilst complaining bitterly about anything and everything local to the chosen adopted city. These complaints take in subjects as diverse as the cost of living, local food preparation methods, and the general habits and character of those with whom the Profesoraus are supposedly keen to assimilate.

These most pompous of Gringosaurs continue to bemoan perceived problems whilst being seemingly unaware of the irony apparent in their complaints. In fact it is the local’s desire to learn of Gringosaur culture which affords these self-styled teachers a higher standard of living than, that which is available to those to whom they complain. Indeed the living standards of the Profesoraus are actually ensured by important local chiefs known as ‘Institutos’. These Institutos seem to have little or no interest in the well being of the native species whilst rewarding the Profesoraus for their teaching efforts handsomely, meaning they get first pick of the freshest carcasses at meal times. They even seem content to allow the Profesoraus to get away with completing ludicrously short working hours for their rewards, much shorter than the local species are accustomed to working for their bread and butter. The results of such a brazen lack of respect for local species has yet to be seen but some Scientists are fearing the worst; “If the Profesoraus carry on dissing the local way of life like this, we’re gonna hit a fuck off shit storm real soon” stated a junior member of a Santiago based research team after a late night team-bonding exercise in the student area of the city.

Equally contrary to this idea of assimilation, the Profesoraus, argues a team of experts from Buenos Aires, appear to constantly have one eye on ‘home’ (usually North America or the South of England).  And so, whilst participating to some extent and being keen to showcase to all their ‘local’ credentials, the Profesoraus appear ready to return ‘home’ at the drop of a prehistoric hat. These claims have been made on the back of extensive time spent watching groups of Profesoraus assimilate customs from their homeland. For example the North American variety gathering in groups of  up to 6-8, in order to do something known as ‘whooping’, often whilst focusing their maniacal grins on something called ‘the stars and stripes’. Meanwhile their cousins from the United Kingdom seem to drawer extraordinary excitement when they come across something they call ‘decent tea’. On the location of such a commodity a message appears to rapidly spread amongst fellow British Profesoraus, who quickly arrive to lay claim to every available box of the tea. It is thought there are now apartment buildings in the Palermo and San Telmo areas of Buenos Aires which are becoming dangerously overloaded, close to bursting even, due to them containing excessive amounts of this so called ‘decent tea’. As yet unconfirmed rumors are also rife that the Profesarous, unlike other Gringosaurs, are receiving goods (possibly including ‘decent tea’, ‘tomatoe ketchup’, ‘BBQ sauce’ and/or ‘ranch dressing’) from their homelands. This would surely be the final nail in the coffin for the idea that the Profesoraus are attempting to assimilate with local culture, therefore meaning they are in fact, no better than the Gringosaurs who spend their time moving up and down the Gringo Trail.

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Breaking News:

Just a few weeks ago tracking devices were placed on half a dozen or so Profesoraus in Buenos Aires with the aim of deciphering exactly how much work they had to do to claim food rights from the ‘Institutos’. However after three of the Profesoraus went missing for several weeks, communications were made with teams researching other Gringosaurs in Lima, La Paz and Medellin in Columbia and some myth exploding discoveries were made. It seems that in fact the Profesoraus are also prone to using the Gringo Trail and travelling North-South, or South-North (never East-West or West-East) through South America. This new evidence lays waste to their now apparently rather pompous pretences of ‘living the life’ in South America, rather than merely passing through. At this stage it is still unclear what effect this information might have on relations between Profesoraus and native species, or between the Profs. (as some are now diminutively calling them) and other breeds of Gringosaur.