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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Flipflopadoraus

First sighted: Florianópolis, Brazil
Distinguishable features: Permanently prepared for summer.
Approachability: With caution, its thought they may be extremely hot to touch.

One the most common sub-species currently observed in South America, the Flipflopadoraus was also one of the first to be identified and classified. These beasts are easily distinguishable from other Gringosaurs thanks to one particular physical feature from which they also take their name. Their peculiarly evolved, seemingly detachable (at least partly) 'thong' or 'flip-flop' feet, make an unusual slapping sound against both the floor and the upper part of the creatures' foot which each step the Flipflopadoraus takes. It has been asumed that this particular species evolved close to the coast line, being as they are seemingly equiped for life near the water and in sunshine. Initial observations raised questions about the eye sight of these beasts. Their almost constantly visible eye protection led many to believe that changes in light may remain undetectabale to the Flipflopadoraus. Equally unsuitably prepared in terms of body protection, or this time lack of protection, the Flipflopadoraus is more scantily clad than many of its fellow Triassic to Cretaceous period Vertebrates. They are usually found with exposed lower legs and forearms, in keeping with their unusually evolved 'beach-feet'. Such observations were originally made during the Buenos Aires sunshine, and so the assumption was understanably made that this species could adapt to its surrounding climate. However, as first Autumn and then Winter inevitably set in, no change was noted. The species continued to flash its flesh, apparently ignorant to the sniggering glances and mocking cat-calls of the native creatures, themselves more suitably wrapped in heavily insulated, natural furs known as 'winturncoats'. Many forward thinking Scientists have however, been enormously impressed by the beasts' apparent ability to store heat absorbed in the summer, for use all through the winter months. In fact many of these green energy enthusiasts are now lobbying government and scientific agencies in a bid to win funding for research into how the Flipflopadoraus' powers of insulation and re-heating, may be harnessed by humans to help heat the homes of the future.

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You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do? Become enraged, jump up and down on the left-hand wing of the plane before launching myself at the pilot. I grab his head and my nails sink into his scalp, as I try to do damage by scraping my claws across his dome I'm horrified to find that instead, his wig comes away in my hands. Upon staring at the wig, I begin to understand the true horror of our shallow, superficial existence. With a moment of absolute clarity I begin to chew on the wig whilst sobbing tears the size of puddles. My significant other sees the hurt and hatred in my eyes through a reflection in the teary water on the ground. She jumps straight in, splashing salty water all around, simultaneously smashing apart my indulgent nonsense. I look up, but its too late. She's turned and left with the newly bald pilot. They climb inside the cockpit and take off as the sky all around them clears. 'Now what will I do?' I think to myself.